Journal #6

What patterns can you identify in your conflicts? Do they fit with any of the models that we have discussed?

I think the patterns that I identify with my conflicts, is that the same conflicts seem to appear in my life. They have the same root to them, and with the same type of people as well. They are either with my mother about college and money, with my friends about guys, or with myself about feeling too overwhelmed. These are the main conflicts that I think are in my life. The pattern that follows my conflict life, I think is the Kriesberg model. They just go in a circle, escalating and de-escalating, but not going away that easily. Just when I think I finally got rid of the circle, it pops out of no where and starts up again.

journal six

Journal number 6

What patterns can you identify in your conflicts? Do they fit with any of the models we have discussed?

I can´t say which patterns I have during a conflict because I think that they vary depending on the conflict I am in and more important it depends on the other party.

For example do I have other patterns whenever I am in a conflict with a friend. During these conflicts is it very even between the two of us which means that nobody has more power than the other person.

However when I am in a conflict with my father the situation changes a little. Therefore I feel like we are not on the same level and the power is not equal and as a result of that I am not in such a good position to make him convince about my allowances and aims.

But I also recognized that the conflict between us changed when I grew up and even if I do not feel like we are on the same level and therefore have the same power in the conflict to achieve our aims does the power become more alike and he actually listens to me more often and considers my opinions and goal, aims more often.

Journal Five

The theory that makes the most sense to me is the basic human needs theory. I think it makes sense that everyone wants those needs satisfied and that a lack of meeting them is what would lead to conflict. I don't like the human selfishness that some of the other theories seem to point to. I don't think that humans are naturally selfish and aggressive creatures. I think we have an incredible ability to care about each other. I like the basic human needs theory because it allows room for both of these things. We can care about each other and our group and our identity, but we still engage in conflict when those needs are challenged or ignored. The other theory I like for this reason is the conflict is functional theory.
However, I was reading a book by Jane Goodall this morning and came across something interesting. She was the first to observe the aggressive behaviors of Chimpanzees. They went on a very aggressive spree for quite some time—killing members of other groups and babies of their own group. Eventually their group split in half, some members moving down into the valley. Within the next year, all of these members who had “abandoned” their original group were killed except for two young females who were convinced to come back to the group. Some people used this to prove the aggressive drive that all humans have—saying that we're so closely related to the Chimpanzee who also has this behavior. Jane Goodall says however that while we're closely related to the Chimpanzee, and we have some innate aggressive drive. She says that there is no use denying our impulses and the aggression that is in us, but that at the same time many of our aggressive and violent tendencies are learned. We are mentally more capable and therefore should be held above these behaviors. We have the capacity to rise above our impulses.

Week Four / Journal Five

Journal 5: Theories can be complicated.  What theory or theories did you find compeilling? What questions do you have about the theories?  Do you have a native theory of conflict? What is it? 

 I think the theory that makes the most sense to me is the Basic Human Needs theory. I definitely can understand where people are coming from when I think of what they are looking for in terms of things like security, recognition, belonging, all those kinds of things. Almost all the conflicts I've run up against in my time here at Juniata have, on consideration, stemmed from things that fall under the category of BHNs. Even arguments with professors, which I've sometimes had, are usually related to things like my need to be recognised as a good student or professors wanting to retain their power as authority figures.


The theory that I have the most trouble with is definitely the Conflict is Innate theory, since I don't personally believe that. All of the other ones make sense to me, even if they don't (for me) explain everything about a conflict. I can completely understand the Conflict is Functional theory and the Conflict is Dysfunctional theory, and while I'd really love it if Realism were not something we had to deal with as a source of conflict I still have certainly seen it at play in the world during conflicts.


I'm not sure exactly what "native theory of conflict" entails, so I don't really know if I can comment on that.

I am really interested in looking at miscommunication as a theory. I think this is because in my mind I can make it work for (almost) any problem as a HUGE influence on the outcome. Even in a war I think many times what the real cause and what the perceived cause is can be different. If people took the time to sit down and think about what really is the problem and talked about the issue before making assumptions and fighting... a lot of violence could have been avoided. In my life I have plenty of conflict and I think conflict can be functional... AS LONG AS WE DEAL WITH IT PROPERLY. Avoiding the conflict, or fighting about the conflict is never good. But a few days ago Haldis and I were discussing Invisible children; we each had a different view on what a practical solution would be, and we did not agree. But once we talked it through (for a long time) we figured out that a mix of our ideas was better than either idea individually. So conflict was functional, but it was resolved via communication. We talked about it in class today, but I am still struggling to see a large enough difference between Basic Human Needs and Social Identity Theory to classify them as two separate theories. (I'll do some more personal research on those.)

Journal #5

Theories can be complicated. What theory or theories did you find compelling? What questions do you have about theories? Do you have a native theory of conflict? What is it?

I think that I found the social identity theory most interesting. I don't think I really thought about how much the groups that you belong to, whether you were born into them or chose to be apart of them, effected how you are as an individual. That in turn relates to how you handle your conflict. I think that is so fascinating how things you just do naturally can change things you wouldn't normally connect together.
I think that my native theory of conflict is miscommunication. The times I engage in a conflict, usually with my family, it is because there was a miscommunication or a lack of communication. When it gets down to it, there is a problem in the way that communication is happening. That is how it was when I was growing up; that is what I know.

Journal five

Journal # 5

Theories can be complicated. What theory or theories did you find compeilling? What questions do you have about the theories? Do you have a native theory of conflict? What is it?

I really like the idea of the social identity Theory because I have never thought about it before but whenever we talked about it in class I recognized that the theory really matches with my experiences in the past.

I think it is true that there is always a competition in the system of the status and therefore you are always competing against someone or maybe even yourself.

The only question which popped up in my head was about the resolution strategies we have been talking about in class because I understand that it is right that u have to open up new criteria in order to be able to solve the problem but I was wondering how you will be able to solve a problem if you feel attached to two different subjects which are competing against each other.

I must say that I can´t think about a native theory or conflict right now and therefore can´t say anything about it or what it is about.

Journal 3

I really really enjoy my group. I think we all get along very well and have excellent compatibility. I will be honest and say that I am not always the best to work with in group projects, I seem to either have an on or off switch. If I'm off, I will not get much work done and spend most of the time trying to make others laugh, or just making myself laugh. But sometimes I am on, and then I will get stuff done and don't have much of a tolerances for people who are not working as hard as I am. Those two extremes are really not fun to work with, so I am trying to find a happy medium. Our group as a whole has three different types and I think together they work great and we will get what needs to be done, done.

Journal 4

I think it is extremely hard to analyze a conflict that you are directly related to. I think it's the same with any self analysis. It's really hard. I always struggle to see myself, the bad is blocked, and the good is blocked. It seems obvious that I have a hard time seeing myself as an outside observer, because I'm not an outside observer. I think that is the same when I try to look at my own conflict. I just want to whine, "can I analyze someone else's conflict please???" But I suppose I should work harder at my own conflict if I want to really understand conflict as a whole. As far as other conflicts... I think I can see one side easier. Because it's harder for me to be unbiased. But I think most people are. It's something in consciously try to work on.

Journals three and four

Journal 3:
I don't completely understand my group dynamic yet. I think maybe we're all acting slightly passive aggressively and I hope we can work through that. For now though, I'm going to give us the benefit of the doubt and see where we go. My group has an interesting dynamic that I think could go in either a positive or negative direction. We haven't worked together enough to know which way this is going to go yet, but we're all very opinionated in different ways and have the potential to clash. However, this will also make our project much more interesting as all sides of the conflict will be represented in a personal way. I think despite our differences we will be able to work together. I hope and think that we can overcome those and come out with a balanced portrayal of the conflict.

Journal 4:
My conflicts generally stem from bad communication. Most of my conflicts happen within my family and within my friends and other personal relationships. I was in one particularly bad conflict recently that was based solely around misunderstanding and intercommunication in an emotionally charged and tense situation. It was made even worse by the fact that the whole thing took place over the internet, so no voice inflection or facial expressions could help. Both of us made selfish assumptions despite our trying to take into consideration the other persons feelings. This escalated, him thinking I was trying to piss him off and retaliating because of that. We were able to solve it by stepping back and talking about what had been said and how we had hurt the other. This is an example of how communication and lack of understanding can mess up a relationship even when both parties involved don't want to mess it up or hurt the other person. This is especially true in emotionally charged situations where people are already hurting and feeling especially vulnerable. This conflict between me and a person very special to me could have easily ruined our relationship had we not taken into account the situation from the other persons point of view and been willing to sacrifice something to understand and forgive.

Week Three / Journal Four

Think about your own conflicts or conflicts that you are aware of in the world around you. If you think about them in terms of analysis what do you notice, that you might not see if you don't? 


Actually, I'm really pleased with this because I was using the stuff we did in class to-day to analyse a conflict that's going on with some of my friends right now. What happened is Friend A is in conflict with Person A due to something that occured with Friend B, and as a result she's mad at Friend B. I decided that I needed more background on the conflict before I could actually help out (which she asked me to do), so I went to FB and asked for his side of the story. From the information I got, I decided that the conflict was due to context--basically, that what FB said to PA got taken out of context, and when PA asked FA about it she was lacking both PA's personal context AND the context of FB's remark, so when she responded it created a huge conflict. Because FA was unaware of the context of FB's remark, she decided that he must have said something more hurtful to PA than he actually did, and thus was angry at him.


As a result of stepping in as a neutral third party, I was able to get both sides of the story and to try and mediate a solution. Unfortunately, the relationship between FA and PA is pretty much unsalvageable--however, I got FB's promise that he would try to help FA with a bigger problem that she is dealing with, which may help to repair relations between them. I also assured him that he was not as much at fault as he was the victim of the context issues, since he was feeling really bad too.


I am hoping that with continued mediation and FB's desire to repair the situation the conflict can be resolved in a way that will improve FA's situation.


Anyway, this relates back to class because I really think that knowing about the context of conflicts, that third parties can step in, and that staying objective if you are trying to be a peace-keeper are all vital to finding ways to deal with conflict constructively. So that's pretty cool.


Also I just like analysing stuff, so I admit I'm going back over pretty much every conflict I know of in my friend group and seeing what other things can be applied to them.

Week Three / Journal Three

Reflect in this journal on your group.  What are your expectations for group process?  What are your hopes for your ability to accomplish the task?  Can you identify different styles/personalities that you think might effect how the group functions?

I'm actually kind of wary of working in groups--as Dr. Braxton once said, hell is knowing you've finished your part of a group project but no one else has finished theirs--so I'm hoping that this works out and turns out to be a productive kind of group. I have a nervous devotion to getting things done on time, so I'm not afraid to rely on myself, but I definitely have trouble trusting other people in that regard. Which is not to imply in any way that the members of this group won't be completely dedicated to our projects, but I'll still worry like crazy.

That probably makes me exactly one of the style/personality issues that could affect us as a group. It's not exactly going to facilitate group relations if I'm always freaking out on everybody else to get their stuff done when they're already doing it; which means I'll have to take care to draw back and trust other members to do their work instead of having anxiety over it.

I'm not sure yet whether we're going to have a dominant personality that sort of comes out as the group leader--mostly because we haven't done enough together yet for me to have a good idea. I assume one will probably emerge, because otherwise we're going to be like a herd of jell-o cats and that's always a problem.

On the other hand, I like everybody in the group, so I think that's a pretty good start.

Journal # 3 and #4

Journal #3:

Reflect on your group. What are your expectations for your group process? What are your hopes for your ability to accomplish the task? Can you identify different styles/personalities that you think might effect how the group functions?

I really like my group so far. I'm excited to get to know them better. My expectations for our group process is just to work well together and get things done on time and efficiently. We are a very tiny group, so I think that will work in our advantage. Any different styles in personalities haven't really been made clear quite yet, but I'm sure if this causes a problem that it will be worked out in a very calm and quick manner.

Journal #4:

Think about your own conflicts or conflicts that are in the world around you. If you think in terms of analysis what do you notice, that you might not see if you don't?

The conflicts that I think of most in my life are conflicts in my family. There are a lot of conflicts in my family that have to do with a lot of seemingly different things. But, when you look at the conflicts you realized that there is a common reason for the conflicts. My family has a communication issue. We don't communicate very well. Then when we realize the miscommunication, we become angry with the other person. But, when we are angry we don't tell each other. We just ignore the situation, maybe being a little more stiff with the person than usual. I think if you didn't analyze my family you might not realize the true cause behind all the conflict.

Journal #4

Think about your own conflicts or conflicts that you are aware of in the world around you. If you think about them in terms of analysis what do you notice, that you might not see if you don't?

This is a hard question for me because there are so many conflicts and I don´t quiet know which one to choose because there is such a variety of topics. Some conflicts can be between roommates, between different college teams or subjects like that but there are also more important conflicts to think about like the conflict in Afghanistan, Somalia or Iraq.

I am sure that I am not aware of enough conflicts in this world but the ones like the one in Somalia or Afghanistan or in Israel are really important to me. Another conflict I am really interested in and aware of is the hunger conflict and water conflict. Moreover I am interested to learn more about the conflict between rich and poor people and more important to learn more about theses to help the poor escape poverty and crime. These are for me the most important conflicts I am aware of right now.

I can´t right analyze them yet but I think the problem is that we as the western world always want to change other countries and cultures by forcing them to adapt our believes and lifestyles, which is in my opinion not the right choice. We need to analyze their culture, nation and everything to see where to conflicts come from and be able to find a way to solve them. And by solving I don´t mean to put our opinions in their head. I more likely mean to find a way to help them understand our point of view and try to help them develop their own view which includes some of our thoughts or ideals but it always has to match with their culture and nation and adapted by their culture as well because our first goal as the western world should not be to put our believes and aims on their nation but to help them to adapt really important human rights and make them become some of their ideals as well without losing their believes.

Journal # 3:

Reflect in this journal on your group. What are your expectations for group process? What are your hopes for your ability to accomplish the task? Can you identify different styles/personalities that you think might effect how the group functions?

My expectations for the group process are that we will work together as a team and everybody is doing the work he was assigned. I also expect anybody to follow our Guideline which includes to be prepared and to be on time. I hope we will get along and everybody is the same enthusiastic as I am about our topic and wants to learn more about it. Another hope is that I will improve my English writing skills and also learn how to do a bibliography because I have never done one the way it is done at Juniata.

I could already see differences in my group. It is not too much about the different styles yet but more about the different personalities. Some of us are really outgoing and others are more quiet and don´t want to interrupt anybody talking and others are more straight out. However, I think we have a great group and have a good mixture of all tempers and I hope the different personalities will help us to work as effectively as possible.

Week One: Journal One and Two

Journal #1:

How do I feel about conflict in my life at the moment? What factors impact how I feel about conflict? What conflicts matter? Why? What do I want to learn about conflict this semester?

Once in a very rare while I like to have some conflict in my life, for some reason that varies according to the situation. Usually though, I am pushed into a conflict for whatever reason. And I do not like it. In fact, I would go as far as to say that a majority of the time I hate conflict. I'm the person standing in the middle between two people saying, "I'm going to make you two hug." I'm the person who feels anxious, nervous, and sweaty when a teacher or an authority figured yells...at someone else.

The way I handle conflict is a peacemaker, probably with some good old fashioned "mother worry" and therapist thrown into the mix. The way I handle conflict, I believe comes from three major sources.
The first, the peacemaker part, comes from growing up in a Brethren church. I was told since pre-school that we believe in peace and that is how we should live our lives.
The second, the mother part, of course comes from my own mother. The two things that I learned from her in terms of conflict is how to worry and to cry. If I really care about you, I'm going to worry about you. Whether you are driving really fast, or in a bad relationship it will probably cause me worry. And when I get upset, angry, or worried; I will cry. That is just me and how I release my emotions. Because of this I have been called "Mom" by many of my peers and I have also been told that I "wear my heart on my sleeve", for those who know me can tell my true emotion through a text message.
The third part, the therapist part, comes from sister. She is a family-based therapist, who has been in college for such a field since I was in elementary school. She always says that her best training was always looking at our family. So, as she was learning so was I. I always try to fix problems in people's lives. I listen to people's tears and say "Okay. Here is what I would suggest." I take the problems to heart and I consider that both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I can really try to help and give them the best advice I can; a curse because I tend to get to emotionally involved.
I think that all conflicts matter. They may not matter to everyone, but to the people in the conflict and even some third parties, they have a regular impact on their everyday lives. When something effects our lives, they tend to matter, even if it is just in a small way.
I want to learn more about the reasons why we handle conflict the way that we do; ways that we wouldn't even think about.

Journal #2

"Conflict for me is like..." In this journal use a metaphor to help you explore your experience of conflict in your life.

Conflict for me is like a child under the bed. Sometimes the child is just playing, having a good time, and playing pretend. Sometimes the child is just looking for something that they lost. But a majority of the time, the child is under the bed because she is scared. Whether she is led there because of a thunderstorm or an angry parent, her fear is real.

Journals one and two

Journal 1: How do I feel about conflict in my life at the moment? What factors impact how I feel about conflict? What conflict matter? Why? What do I want to learn about conflict this semester?

Conflict in my life at the moment seems to be minimal. I know that conflict occurs on a daily basis and has a scale form something small to something rather large and for me I seem to be dealing with the smaller scale of conflict. Things like getting use to living with 3 other girls in one dorm area, balancing school work, social time and time just for myself. A lot of what impacts how I feel about conflict is my mood and who I am having a conflict with. If i have a great relationship with this other person or party and I am in a pleasant mood the conflict is usually resolved quickly. If however one of those things changes, I don't have the best relationship with this other group or I am in not the best mood, dealing with the conflict can be a little bit more of a challenge.

I think that all conflict matters, no matter where it is on that scale I mentioned earlier, it occurs on a daily basis and I think it is all important. If conflict did not exist it would mean that either people were sacrificing their needs and wants to appease others and that would make life boring, or that we are all really similar and that would make life even more boring. Conflict while it is not always the most pleasant thing I think it adds a little bit of fun into life.

This semester I would like to learn why conflict occurs, and the best ways to resolve all different types of conflict on the whole scale of conflict.

Conflict for me is like .... In this journal use a metaphor to help you explore your experience of conflict in your life

Conflict for me is like a flowing river. I flow along dealing with the challenges as I come upon them. Every now and then I take the smoothest course. and Sometimes the challenges I come upon are small and only create the slightest ripple, the smallest disturbance in the water. Other times the conflict creates a large rapid, with water shoots and hydraulics, pulling me in all different directions, none of which seem easy or to have a way out. but as soon as I get through that conflict things seem to settle, the water calms.... well at least for the mean time.

Journal Two

Conflict for me is like a rain storm. I has both the incredible power to create and destroy but remains essential to human life and all life in general. It changes things and everything depends on it. Without it we wither and die. Rainstorms have caused some of the most beautiful moments in my life—running around in the rain with friends, slip and sliding on tarps, running in lightning storms. Rainstorms through high school were stress relievers and things that made me feel alive and purely human. However I've also been in incredibly dangerous situations in rainstorms and probably have almost been killed several times. I once was caught barefoot on a farm in a severe lightning storm and this summer was almost hit by a falling tree branch during a storm that destroyed part of one of my favorite places. Conflict creates love and joy when handled right, but sometimes I need to be more prepared and aware than I am—bring some rubber soled shoes or something.

Journal One

Conflict is a central part to everyone's lives. I'm a camp counselor, a sister, a daughter, a friend, and a student. Conflict arises in every one of those aspects of my life. However much conflict fascinates me on a broader national/international scale, it scares me in my own life. I try to avoid it often and when I' confronted with it am often very quiet. I know this is incredibly irritating to others involved who are trying to work out whatever is going on but I'm often scared to speak or don't know what to say.
When I'm a camp counselor I'm good at managing conflict between campers and have a lot of practice mediating them and getting them to work out the problem in a constructive way. However, when conflict becomes more complex than two campers fighting over who gets to us which towel, or a camper who's upset that she doesn't like her lunch for the third day in a row, I become more scared of it and sometimes don't know how to approach it constructively while maintaining relationships of respect and love. I kind of know in theory, but putting it into practice is more difficult for me.
I think all conflicts matter because they're what change things—however large a scale that may be on. I think the thing that most attracts me to finding a peaceful resolution to conflict is understanding the humanity on both sides of every situation and wanting to maintain, or create if they don't already exist, relationships based on respect and love. Although I've lived a very protected life and large conflict has never directly affected me I know a lot of people who it has. I grew up with and still know a lot of people who have been affected and part of large violent conflicts and hearing them talk about its effects on people they know and love, as well as a need to solve conflict more constructively in my own life is a lot of what draws me to needing to find peaceful solutions to conflict.

Week One Part One

How do I feel about conflict in  my life at the moment?  What factors impact how I feel about conflict?  What conflict matter? Why? What do I want to learn about conflict this semester?

Right now I am extremely uncomfortable with conflict in my life--not that there is a huge amount of it, but I'm still uncomfortable whenever it crops up, so much so that I tend to avoid it at any cost. Sometimes that cost is a bit more than I'd really like to pay.

Example: I never told one of my friends that I was mad at her for dating my ex-girlfriend (while said girlfriend was dating me), so she still thinks we're friends. Even though I think I would be justified in ending the friendship, I am too freaked out by the idea of getting into an argument to tell her.


Example 2: I have a friend who likes to make Christian jokes that I find fairly offencive. Instead of tell him in a constructive way right away that I'm uncomfortable when he does that, I just don't say anything until I get to my "I can't stand this any more" point and yell at him. Obviously it would be way better if I could just say, right off the bat, "hey could you not do that around me?", but since that isn't what happens I just get sullen and passive-aggressive and eventually outright aggressive but nothing actually gets resolved.


So on a personal level I'm very interested in learning how to be more in control of these situations and how to resolve them in a way that's better for me AND others--so that I don't bottle stuff up, and so people don't get hurt when I finally do explode with absolutely no prior warning. I want to learn how to express my views as clearly and non-accusatorially as possible.


On a larger scale, I anticipate having to mediate conflicts as a priest--the three areas I'm interested in are vocational counselling, hospice ministry, and pastoral ministry. Vocational counselling may not include much conflict with the person I'm talking to, but it may mean being able to help that person mediate a conflict in his or her own life. Likewise, pastoral ministry can mean being called upon as a guidance counsellor, marriage counsellor, or youth leader, and God knows all those areas mean being able to be objective, fair, and good at mediation. Hospice ministry can involve conflicts between patients and families, families and staff, patients and staff, patients and God, &c &c ad finitum.


All this means that a good understanding of conflict and ways to resolve it are extremely important to me in my intended future. My goal is to be able to help people on a small scale. Easing the conflicts between them is a definite way to do that.