Journal #1:
How do I feel about conflict in my life at the moment? What factors impact how I feel about conflict? What conflicts matter? Why? What do I want to learn about conflict this semester?
Once in a very rare while I like to have some conflict in my life, for some reason that varies according to the situation. Usually though, I am pushed into a conflict for whatever reason. And I do not like it. In fact, I would go as far as to say that a majority of the time I hate conflict. I'm the person standing in the middle between two people saying, "I'm going to make you two hug." I'm the person who feels anxious, nervous, and sweaty when a teacher or an authority figured yells...at someone else.
The way I handle conflict is a peacemaker, probably with some good old fashioned "mother worry" and therapist thrown into the mix. The way I handle conflict, I believe comes from three major sources.
The first, the peacemaker part, comes from growing up in a Brethren church. I was told since pre-school that we believe in peace and that is how we should live our lives.
The second, the mother part, of course comes from my own mother. The two things that I learned from her in terms of conflict is how to worry and to cry. If I really care about you, I'm going to worry about you. Whether you are driving really fast, or in a bad relationship it will probably cause me worry. And when I get upset, angry, or worried; I will cry. That is just me and how I release my emotions. Because of this I have been called "Mom" by many of my peers and I have also been told that I "wear my heart on my sleeve", for those who know me can tell my true emotion through a text message.
The third part, the therapist part, comes from sister. She is a family-based therapist, who has been in college for such a field since I was in elementary school. She always says that her best training was always looking at our family. So, as she was learning so was I. I always try to fix problems in people's lives. I listen to people's tears and say "Okay. Here is what I would suggest." I take the problems to heart and I consider that both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I can really try to help and give them the best advice I can; a curse because I tend to get to emotionally involved.
I think that all conflicts matter. They may not matter to everyone, but to the people in the conflict and even some third parties, they have a regular impact on their everyday lives. When something effects our lives, they tend to matter, even if it is just in a small way.
I want to learn more about the reasons why we handle conflict the way that we do; ways that we wouldn't even think about.
Journal #2
"Conflict for me is like..." In this journal use a metaphor to help you explore your experience of conflict in your life.
Conflict for me is like a child under the bed. Sometimes the child is just playing, having a good time, and playing pretend. Sometimes the child is just looking for something that they lost. But a majority of the time, the child is under the bed because she is scared. Whether she is led there because of a thunderstorm or an angry parent, her fear is real.
are you always the child? is the bed a safe place? what makes it safe? how do you know when it is safe to come out from under the bed? do you ever choose to engage in a conflict that is yours (as opposed to being the peacemaker for others?)
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