Journal 13

You have finished your group project. As you reflect on the semseter how are your feeling about your group? Were your expectations met? What did you learn about yourself? About others in the group? About the pro's and con's of group learning?

Our group project was not very fun for me. I thought it would be more fun, but it just wasn't. I think I got stressed out because I felt like I was doing a lot of the work and my group didn't help me enough. That could also be my fault. I wasn't as clear about what I was expecting out of a group project. When we said we would try our hardest to get a good grade. I thought that meant doing whatever we could, no matter how much work, not just go to bed when you're tired. I did however enjoy learning about the conflict and working with a group let me see things I might not have found on my own. I definitely learned that I need to be more open otherwise I will be stuck doing much more work that I should have to because I don't want to settle for less. Maybe I was more concerned about the project than other group members.

Journal 12

In this journal reflect on yourself in a specific conflict that you are involved in (big or small doesn't matter). Can you look at your own choices and behaviors and reflect on them, or analyze them in light of what you have learned this semester in the course? What insight do you have about yourself in conflict that you did not have before you took this course?

I was so excited for college, I was going to get an awesome roommate and we were going to be best friends. When I found out her name was Sarah my heart leapt. My best friend from high school's name was Sarah. Once I met my roommate she was nothing like my best friend. For some reason when I met her I assumed she would be just like my best friend and she wasn't. This let me down and then little things that really weren't bothersome were annoying to me. I think my assumption caused some problems at first. Things are probably deescalating but at it's worst we were never really mean to each other. We were both a little erritating and didn't communicate enough. I wish we had filled out the sheet like we were suggested to do. But we didn't and then we both had different ideas for what a roommate should be. Luckily break is coming and after some time apart we can talk things out and make sure the outcome is a positive one.

Looking back I think I need to communicate better with my roommates and peers in order to maintain a positive relationship.

Journal 11

What attributes would you say describe and define your own negotiation styles? Where did you learn to negotiate? Do you think you are any good at it?

Oh my, I don't really know what my negotiation style is. In real life I would like to think I can work collaboratively and negotiate cooperatively. But I'm worried that sometimes I negotiate competitively. Especially with my parents... Which I suppose is where I learned to negotiate. When I wanted to go out with friends and my parents wanted me to stay in. We would, I suppose you could call it "negotiating", but it was more of an argument. But in someways I learned how to manipulate the argument and let them have my way, as Sebinus would say. Of course I didn't always get my way, but I think parental arguments were my first shot at being a negotiator.

Oh my. I would say... I'm probably not very good at negotiating. I have a hard time taking myself out of the situation, which is key. You need to understand the problem objectively, and when things directly affect me, I have a hard time seeing other sides. When problems do not directly involve me, I LOVE seeing all sides. When reading books in my Ideas and Power class I always want to see the other side, the murder's side, the rapist's side, I love seeing things from other points of view... except when it's directly effecting me. I suppose that's something I should work on eh? Good thing I'm taking this class!

Week Fifteen / Journal Thirteen

You have finished your group project.  As you reflect on the semester how are your feeling about your group?  Were your expectations met? What did you learn about yourself? About others in the group? About the pro's and con's of group learning?

 Iiii am afraid that this semester only reinforced my hatred for working in groups. I really stress out over working in groups anyway because I always have this paralysing fear that I am going to be the only person in the group who does any work, or any good work, and I will FAIL, and if I had just worked alone I would not have FAILED, and oh god noooo. And then I cry.


My group partner was very enthusiastic at first, but he pretty quickly got less so, and unfortunately while he was willing to provide any written material that I asked for, he never cited ANYTHING, so I ended up researching the entire project myself anyway just to find sources for his claims, so after a while I stopped asking him for help. Even when I asked him to provide sources for the things he wrote, he told me that he "just knew" everything already and citing was really difficult and annoying for him.


So I learned that I am still unbearably anal-retentive, and that I probably would have had a lot less work to do if I had been able to accept a lower grade on assignments or if I were just less neurotic in general. And I probably should have been more confrontational and insisted that he provide sources, so I'm aware that it's at least partly my fault for chickening out.


I think my experience would have been better if I had been in a larger group, instead of one consisting of only two people, because then the work might have been more evenly distributed. However, the experience did emphasise that for my group work is a source of conflict, and one I am going to need to learn to deal with in the future instead of shouldering the majority of the work because I am too afraid to express my displeasure with the way things are going.

Week Fifteen / Journal Twelve

In this journal reflect on yourself in a specific conflict that you are involved in (big or small doesn't matter). Can you look at your own choices and behaviors and reflect on them, or analyze them in light of what you have learned this semester in the course? What insight do you have about yourself in conflict that you did not have before you took this course?

 Right now my Mama and I are arguing a LOT because she doesn't think that I am worrying enough about a lot of things, but in fact I am worrying constantly. This is a small, kind of basic thing, but I can definitely see how it can be analysed using the parametres that we studied this semester.

The parties are straight-forwardly me and my mother, working on two separate power bases. She has authority because she is the parent and paying for my education, and because I love her, but I have power currency because she loves me and is invested in me.

The overlying issues are that she wants to make sure my grades are good so that I do not embarrass my father (who went here), and that she wants me to have everything figured out for my school career ahead of time. The underlying cause, I think, is that she is trying to save face for my daddy and trying to make sure that I do well in school for my own sake. Unfortunately, her tactics are making me uncomfortable and less likely to cooperate. She has been using tactics like shaming (your father will be disappointed in you) and persuasive arguments (you will do better in school and be less stressed out) but it is really making  me uncomfortable, and I am responding with avoidant tactics like unspoken threats (when she makes me unhappy I don't call home) and my own persuasive arguments (I am doing really well with x subject, so obviously I am studying fine). As a result of waging this conflict between us, our relationship is very strained right now.


I believe that subjective dynamics we are both using include selective perception--she is perceiving that I am not taking things seriously and just want an easy ride, and I am perceiving that she is refusing to acknowledge how stressed out I already am. She is also trying to displace my father's personal standards onto me, and I am in-group out-grouping her by saying that she is not in college and does not understand what it is like.


I am not sure how this conflict is going to be resolved, but I can definitely look at it and tell what kind of tactics we are using on each other, as well as identify how I am playing a significant role in the conflict just as she is. It's frustrating, because I think that this conflict could probably de-escalate if I talked to her and explained all this, but she has trouble listening to me sometimes and so I am afraid to put all my feelings out there and not have my attempts at resolution met.

However, being able to break conflicts into pieces this way and analyse their components is a really great skill, and I'm so glad that I took this course and learned how to do that. Even though I have trouble applying resolution to this particular conflict, I have used stuff from this course all semester to work through conflicts with friends, to mediate conflicts for other people, and to interpret pieces of conflicts going on around me, and I think that is just impossibly cool and useful. I think of all the courses I took this semester, this one has the best real-world application value, and that's great.


Hopefully at some point in the future I will be able to develop the skills necessary to solve this conflict with my mother as well.

Journals Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen

Journal 11: What attributes would you say describe and define your own negotiation styles? Where did you learn to negotiate? Do you think you are any good at it?
I learned to negotiate because of my family. I have three sisters, so I’ve always had to advocate for myself to make sure I get my fair share of opportunity. Because of this I’m good at advocating for myself when I’m in a position of lower power, especially with people I’m comfortable with, like my family. However, in other situations sometimes I’m not such a good negotiator. Especially when I am in a position of higher power I don’t like to stand up for myself. I often feel uncomfortable going into a negotiation, but if I get over that and talk, I’m pretty good at it. I just often don’t like to go into that situation. I find it rare that I actually care about what’s being negotiated. Within my family I’ve always been the peace maker kind of a roll—not often involved directly in the negotiation but often the one who facilitates it. This is often true outside of my home as well, in my job and within friends. I’m rarely the one who gets into a conflict of any sort because I don’t care enough to, but I’m often the one dragged into other people’s conflicts and negotiations. I think my conflict style is collaborative and that my negotiation style is either collaborative or accommodative, depending on how much I care about the situation. There are very few situations in my life where I won’t be willing to give up anything or collaborate on a solution.

Journal 12: In this journal reflect on yourself in a specific conflict that you are involved in (big or small doesn't matter). Can you look at your own choices and behaviors and reflect on them, or analyze them in light of what you have learned this semester in the course? What insight do you have about yourself in conflict that you did not have before you took this course?
I think this course helped me a lot in being able to identify the way in which I or other people are reacting to or working through a conflict and know the other alternative way that could go. Having an objective view point on conflict helps as well to figure out which of the many different styles and tactics one could use and which would be most helpful or effective. It also helps to understand where the person you are in conflict with is coming from and understanding why they may be acting the way they are. I think that one thing I’ve come to realize is that I am very passive in the ways that I deal with conflict in my own life. I often don’t address it directly and that often comes back to bite me. As this class progressed I think I’ve started being more open and honest with myself about my conflicts and also with those around me.

Journal 13: You have finished your group project. As you reflect on the semester how are you’re feeling about your group? Were your expectations met? What did you learn about yourself? About others in the group? About the pro's and con's of group learning?
I think that in the group, I was the one who did the most work. I think that the balance was not exactly fair and that I would often end up with more work because someone wouldn’t do something they had said they would. I’m also not faultless in the group—I failed to show up to a few of our meetings but I feel like overall I did much more than my fair share of the work. I guess I’m also at fault because I never really outright said anything about the unfair balance of work. I really like group learning and I think that offers a lot, but I really hate group papers. It’s incredibly difficult to balance who writes what and how they’re going to fit together if you’re writing them not together. Having conversations in a group about what could be said and about the conflict is helpful because it bring in different perspectives and opinions but the actual composition of a paper as a group is rather unfortunate and I think detracts from the overall piece and flow.

Journal Thirteen

You have finished your group project, As you reflect on the semester how are you feeling about your group? Were your expectations me? What did you learn about yourself? About others in the group? About the pros and cons of group learning?

I felt okay with my group. We had some issues that were never really fully addressed. We just sort of trudged through it though it caused some unnecessary tension. I guess we decided that we are almost done with it and then we don't have to deal with it anymore. I learned that I am more of the type "to step up and get things done" than I thought I was, especially in a group setting. I learned that where you come from really does have an effect on your education and learning. I think a pro of group learning is having someone to help, make corrections, help when you are stuck and to stay on track. I think a con of group learning is that it is so easy to disagree and to have different opinions that can really effect the performance that your group does.

Journal Twelve

In this journal reflect on yourself in a specific conflict that you are involved in (big or small doesn't matter). Can you look at your own choices and behaviors and reflect on them, or analyze then in light of what you have learned this semester in the course? What insight do you have about yourself in conflict that you did not have before you took this course?

I look back at a conflict that I had last year in high school, all over a boy. I remember I just let him walk over me because I didn't want to stand up to him, because I didn't want to cause problems. I got hurt way more than I should have if I would have just told him that what he was doing hurt me. I have learned that my conflict style is not avoiding like I would have said in the beginning of the semester. I have learned that my conflict style is definitely accommodating. When I am in conflict I am all about ending it, by giving other people what they want. This has made me seem like I am easy to walk over and sometimes it happens more than it should. I have learned that sometimes I just need to speak up and be more concerned about my problems than other people's problems.

Journal 6 and 7- Corinne

Journal 6:

The patterns I identify in my conflict are ones in which how I respond to conflict. When we took the survey I got a 3 way tie in accommodating, compromising and collaborating integrating. I thought that this was really interesting because I often pride myself in being able to figure out the best way to deal with different conflicts and often times depending on who is in the conflict and what I know about both parties. I think that it is a really a good quality being able to adapt how you deal with conflict and not being stuck in one way or another, I feel like it provides you with many more chances to have a favorable outcome.

Journal 7:

I’m very much as person who when a conflict occurs I would rather get it out of the way and dealt with and moved on rather than just letting it sit there. So often times I don’t let my conflicts escalate to that degree and if they do escalate then I try and makes sure the de-escalation occurs quickly after the escalation process. I can often times contribute to the escalation because if I become hot headed or feel like I am not being heard in the conflict this can often times rub me the wrong way. I don’t mind conflict very much, I find it a healthy part of my relationships but the only problem with that is if I am going to engage in conflict regardless if I am right or incorrect I want to be heard. If I feel as if I am not being heard that I become frustrated and that can easily escalate the conflict. Sometimes conflict can be fun, and I think if it De-escalates quickly it can strengthen and lead to a healthier relationship.

Journal 3 and 4- Corinne

Journal 3:

Since my group is small since it is only my partner and I working on the topic of Gay Marriage and the conflict that occurs with religion. I hope that this group process can be effective and as close to a 50/50 relationship as possible. I know often that can be an issue with groups of one person not doing the same about of work as the others either more or less work. And I have the expectation that we will be able to work together on this project. Since it is just the two of us, to some degree it makes it easier because we don’t have to work with a lot of scheduling. I hope for this task that we are able to put our talents together and it truly is a group project and not just one of us taking on the majority of the work. We have slightly different styles because she would rather try and do all of the work together while I realize there is some work which I do better alone. We are similar because we both tend to put things off until the last minute

Journal 4:

Often times I don’t realize when just glancing over a conflict that if you look more in depth and really examine the situation you realize, at least for me, I realize that at the core of my conflict are my morals and my beliefs. Not just what I think is right and wrong, but things that I have been raised on and feel strongly about. Part of me thinks that part of this is a good thing because it makes me feel very secure as a person in what I believe in, what I feel is worth getting in conflicts about. But at the same time I am a little bit concerned because every now and then you have that one thing that completely throws you for a loop. One of those conflicts which rocks you to your center. Those are the conflicts I fear.

Week Fourteen / Journal 11

What attributes would you say describe and define your own negoatiation styles? Where did you learn to negotiate? Do you think you are any good at it?

 I'm pretty sure I learned to negotiate because of having a little sister. I always knew I was going to have to share with her and work things out with her, and because she was the youngest my parents were inclined to be a bit more indulgent towards her. Also, because we were homeschooled, we didn't have a lot of friends, so if we didn't want to die of boredom it was important to learn how to work with each other so we could stay on good terms and use each other to stay entertained.

There were some things we were flat-out unable to negotiate on, like which of us was going to get to keep the stuffed lamb my parents bought her--she didn't want it at first, so I laid claim to it, and by the time she decided she wanted it back I had decided it by rights belonged to me. Other things, like who was going to get which room, for how long, and whether we should just share a room because our house creaked a lot and sleeping alone could be scary, all involved intense and successful negotiation.


(The bunny room had a door that locked, a major pro, but the ghost room had a bigger, softer bed, so every year we would negotiate whether or not a switch was going to occur.)


Anyway, the result is that I think I'm pretty good at negotiating when I decide that it is worth my time and the effort it takes to negotiate; sometimes I don't actually care about the situation very much, and then I am more likely to demand that I get my way and not actually show much willingness to cooperate. Basically, my style is cooperative/collaborative if I'm invested in the situation or the person with whom I'm negotiating, but if I don't care that much about the thing over which I'm negotiating or the person, then I sort of run roughshod and more competitively.

Journal Eleven

What attributes would you say describe and define your own negotiation styles? Where did you think you learned to negotiate? Do you think that you are any good at it?

I think that my negotiation style is accommodation, just like my conflict style, but I think in a less extreme level. Negotiation I see as something that will benefit both of us, so I don't have to be so willing to give people what they want and I be left with nothing. I think that I am more likely to be accommodative with people I don't know. With people that I do know very well I think I will work a negotiation that isn't always me giving in to what the other wants. This is especially true within my family, more specifically my mother. I am a very good negotiator when it comes to getting what I want from my mother, partially I think because I am the youngest child. My negotiation style comes from my family, so I know how to use that to my advantage in a family situation. Outside my family, however, I think that I am not so good at negotiation just because I'm afraid of seeming selfish, controlling, or mean.