In this journal reflect on yourself in a specific conflict that you are involved in (big or small doesn't matter). Can you look at your own choices and behaviors and reflect on them, or analyze them in light of what you have learned this semester in the course? What insight do you have about yourself in conflict that you did not have before you took this course?
Right now my Mama and I are arguing a LOT because she doesn't think that I am worrying enough about a lot of things, but in fact I am worrying constantly. This is a small, kind of basic thing, but I can definitely see how it can be analysed using the parametres that we studied this semester.
The parties are straight-forwardly me and my mother, working on two separate power bases. She has authority because she is the parent and paying for my education, and because I love her, but I have power currency because she loves me and is invested in me.
The overlying issues are that she wants to make sure my grades are good so that I do not embarrass my father (who went here), and that she wants me to have everything figured out for my school career ahead of time. The underlying cause, I think, is that she is trying to save face for my daddy and trying to make sure that I do well in school for my own sake. Unfortunately, her tactics are making me uncomfortable and less likely to cooperate. She has been using tactics like shaming (your father will be disappointed in you) and persuasive arguments (you will do better in school and be less stressed out) but it is really making me uncomfortable, and I am responding with avoidant tactics like unspoken threats (when she makes me unhappy I don't call home) and my own persuasive arguments (I am doing really well with x subject, so obviously I am studying fine). As a result of waging this conflict between us, our relationship is very strained right now.
I believe that subjective dynamics we are both using include selective perception--she is perceiving that I am not taking things seriously and just want an easy ride, and I am perceiving that she is refusing to acknowledge how stressed out I already am. She is also trying to displace my father's personal standards onto me, and I am in-group out-grouping her by saying that she is not in college and does not understand what it is like.
I am not sure how this conflict is going to be resolved, but I can definitely look at it and tell what kind of tactics we are using on each other, as well as identify how I am playing a significant role in the conflict just as she is. It's frustrating, because I think that this conflict could probably de-escalate if I talked to her and explained all this, but she has trouble listening to me sometimes and so I am afraid to put all my feelings out there and not have my attempts at resolution met.
However, being able to break conflicts into pieces this way and analyse their components is a really great skill, and I'm so glad that I took this course and learned how to do that. Even though I have trouble applying resolution to this particular conflict, I have used stuff from this course all semester to work through conflicts with friends, to mediate conflicts for other people, and to interpret pieces of conflicts going on around me, and I think that is just impossibly cool and useful. I think of all the courses I took this semester, this one has the best real-world application value, and that's great.
Hopefully at some point in the future I will be able to develop the skills necessary to solve this conflict with my mother as well.
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